Sunday, November 8, 2009

Good enough?

Okay, I've calmed down a bit since my social/political breakdown post.

I feel bad for badmouthing our decision to move. It's been 99% positive. I love being close to family, even those who are on a completely different side of the political spectrum. The weather is much better. For the first time in a long time our cost of living and income agree with eachother. We actually have a savings account! My girls have a deep sense of connection here. Everywhere we go we see someone we know. Kendall is going to a school that I went to and my aunts, uncles and younger brothers went to as well. There is history here for them. That, in itself, is a gift.

I think what I'm really struggling with is the question of 'is it enough?' Is my life enough? Is it good enough to come back to the same small town, and be near family.

I'm an idealist. I'll be honest. I had a lot of plans for my life and the life I wanted to give my offspring. This isn't exactly what I envisioned. Even right up until we were offered jobs here and moved home, I looked for jobs in other countries, mainly Mexico. I wanted to live abroad and give my children valuable experiences of being exposed to different languages and cultures. Even now I fantasize about picking up and moving to Europe. I want my children to be fluent in more languages than just English. I want them to have that laid back approach to life where wine, cheese and bread rule. Hello France. I want them to experience other types of government. To me, Socialism isn't a bad word. I wouldn't mind if they experienced a little socialism.

So now I will work hard to accept our decision. I will think of other ways of exposing our girls to life outside of our small town. I will find ways to encourage them to think critically about the social and political context of our country. I will do it. I can do it. I will accept that this is good enough. Because it is.

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