Sunday, November 8, 2009

Good enough?

Okay, I've calmed down a bit since my social/political breakdown post.

I feel bad for badmouthing our decision to move. It's been 99% positive. I love being close to family, even those who are on a completely different side of the political spectrum. The weather is much better. For the first time in a long time our cost of living and income agree with eachother. We actually have a savings account! My girls have a deep sense of connection here. Everywhere we go we see someone we know. Kendall is going to a school that I went to and my aunts, uncles and younger brothers went to as well. There is history here for them. That, in itself, is a gift.

I think what I'm really struggling with is the question of 'is it enough?' Is my life enough? Is it good enough to come back to the same small town, and be near family.

I'm an idealist. I'll be honest. I had a lot of plans for my life and the life I wanted to give my offspring. This isn't exactly what I envisioned. Even right up until we were offered jobs here and moved home, I looked for jobs in other countries, mainly Mexico. I wanted to live abroad and give my children valuable experiences of being exposed to different languages and cultures. Even now I fantasize about picking up and moving to Europe. I want my children to be fluent in more languages than just English. I want them to have that laid back approach to life where wine, cheese and bread rule. Hello France. I want them to experience other types of government. To me, Socialism isn't a bad word. I wouldn't mind if they experienced a little socialism.

So now I will work hard to accept our decision. I will think of other ways of exposing our girls to life outside of our small town. I will find ways to encourage them to think critically about the social and political context of our country. I will do it. I can do it. I will accept that this is good enough. Because it is.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Gut feeling

I've thought about posting about this many, many times. But I've hestitated because I can't exactly articulate everything I'm feeling. But the gist of it is that I knew I was going to be emotionally and morally challenged by moving back home.

I left this area 12 years ago and moved to a very liberal area. It felt right to me; like I was surrounded by like-minded people. I don't feel like I'm surrounded by like-minded people now and it's killing me! The most recent election in our area has confirmed what I have been feeling in my gut. The conservative, Republican turn that our city just took greatly disappoints me. It confirmed that I have moved back to an area that is still riddled with classism, racism and homophobia. Shit, shit, shit (not the word I really want to use right now)!

What does that mean? How do I ensure that I raise my girls to love all people as human beings regardless of the number of green pieces of paper that they have in the bank, who they love or who they worship or don't worship? How do I raise worldly children in a conservative, oppressive town?

Give me some time. I'll figure this out. I'll find those like-minded people because I know they're here somewhere. If I post about taking off with my children to a mission in Africa in a couple years, don't be too surprised. A liberal girl's got to do what a liberal girl's got to do.