Good enough?

Okay, I've calmed down a bit since my social/political breakdown post.

I feel bad for badmouthing our decision to move. It's been 99% positive. I love being close to family, even those who are on a completely different side of the political spectrum. The weather is much better. For the first time in a long time our cost of living and income agree with eachother. We actually have a savings account! My girls have a deep sense of connection here. Everywhere we go we see someone we know. Kendall is going to a school that I went to and my aunts, uncles and younger brothers went to as well. There is history here for them. That, in itself, is a gift.

I think what I'm really struggling with is the question of 'is it enough?' Is my life enough? Is it good enough to come back to the same small town, and be near family.

I'm an idealist. I'll be honest. I had a lot of plans for my life and the life I wanted to give my offspring. This isn't exactly what I envisioned. Even right up until we were offered jobs here and moved home, I looked for jobs in other countries, mainly Mexico. I wanted to live abroad and give my children valuable experiences of being exposed to different languages and cultures. Even now I fantasize about picking up and moving to Europe. I want my children to be fluent in more languages than just English. I want them to have that laid back approach to life where wine, cheese and bread rule. Hello France. I want them to experience other types of government. To me, Socialism isn't a bad word. I wouldn't mind if they experienced a little socialism.

So now I will work hard to accept our decision. I will think of other ways of exposing our girls to life outside of our small town. I will find ways to encourage them to think critically about the social and political context of our country. I will do it. I can do it. I will accept that this is good enough. Because it is.

Gut feeling

I've thought about posting about this many, many times. But I've hestitated because I can't exactly articulate everything I'm feeling. But the gist of it is that I knew I was going to be emotionally and morally challenged by moving back home.

I left this area 12 years ago and moved to a very liberal area. It felt right to me; like I was surrounded by like-minded people. I don't feel like I'm surrounded by like-minded people now and it's killing me! The most recent election in our area has confirmed what I have been feeling in my gut. The conservative, Republican turn that our city just took greatly disappoints me. It confirmed that I have moved back to an area that is still riddled with classism, racism and homophobia. Shit, shit, shit (not the word I really want to use right now)!

What does that mean? How do I ensure that I raise my girls to love all people as human beings regardless of the number of green pieces of paper that they have in the bank, who they love or who they worship or don't worship? How do I raise worldly children in a conservative, oppressive town?

Give me some time. I'll figure this out. I'll find those like-minded people because I know they're here somewhere. If I post about taking off with my children to a mission in Africa in a couple years, don't be too surprised. A liberal girl's got to do what a liberal girl's got to do.

Over-rated Vampire?

Since I felt like the only person in the world who had not read the Twilight series, I finally gave in. I'm on chapter 7 of the first book and you know what?! Edward is a vampire! OMG.

Seriously, I guess that's the risk of starting a book months and months after the rest of the world has read it and the movie has been made. It's moving a little slow for me right now. I'm slightly interested in the love story and slightly annoyed that I've read 130 pages and they are just now getting to the part about him being a vampire. Come on. Speed it up a little.

Shopping Stinks

I never thought I would say this, but shopping stinks; in Yakima anyway. I don't remember the shopping options being so pitiful when we lived here before. But I got used to great shopping being just 10 minutes away from home. Here it doesn't exist. I would need to drive over an hour for decent choices.

So I decided to try shopping online. That isn't as easy as it sounds. I've ordered three pairs of shoes and am returning two ankle breaking pairs. The heels didn't look THAT high online. My husband is just an inch or so taller than me so they're just not going to work.

Is it bad to pray to God that they open a Nordstrom Rack here? I mean, I'm not asking to win the lottery or anything. I gave up on that one a long time ago. Just, please God, bring me some decent shopping. And I'm not talking about that over-priced, kids clothing store Gymboree that's already going in. Do you really think Yakima needs a Gymboree?! Oh and Trader Joes would be nice while you're at it.

We're adjusting

We went on a scavenger hunt. Kendall made up the rules. The list is quite different than when we lived in the city. On our list:

• Mouse (lucky for me we did not find any)
• Broken sprinkler
• Bucket full of dirt
• Black spider
• Count the number of down spout

The well water is something new for the girls. Every time Taylor asks for water she says "I want that Whale water. Do you like whale water? I love whale water". Kendall hates well water, or so she says. She refuses to drink the water from the kitchen tap but will drink the water from her bathroom sink because that is city water. We'll just keep letting her think that.

God is a woman!

After listening to Hannah Montana's "Best of Both Worlds" song all day I started singing "I'm the best mom in whole world" to the same tune. Kendall said matter of factly "God is the best mom in the whole world. She had everyone. She takes care of everyone". Who can argue with that?

So now that is settled...

Urban Country Mom

Urban Country Mom

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Our towels don't work

When we moved to the country we left our outdated washer and dryer behind. We bought a new front-loading washer and plan to buy the dryer next month. So we hang dry everything.

Have you ever used towels that were dried in the sun? They are crunchy. Kendall was using one the other day and said "These towels don't work anymore. They don't take the water off of my body". Yes, they are indeed broken. Crunchy cardboard...I mean towels do not absorb water. I can't wait for that new dryer.

Who said 13 is an unlucky number?

13 years ago yesterday Dylan and I were married. It felt a little weird celebrating our anniversary in the town that we were married in since we moved to Seattle shortly after our wedding.

July 6, 1996 was a beautiful, sunny day in our hometown. We were married at a golf course. My sister, his sister, my BFF, his BFF (do guys really call it that?), another friend and my brother were in the wedding. My two youngest brothers (4 & 6 at the time) were ring bearers. The 6 year old was sad when he learned that he was a ring bearer, not a ring "bear" and wouldn't be wearing a bear costume that day. Soon he was happy as a clam at the reception. He danced until he nearly passed out, ate just about all of the wedding mints, and told me how much he loved my "dress with diamonds" over and over that night. I'll never forget the feel of his sticky hands as he asked me to dance again and again.

Dylan brought me 13 roses yesterday. How sweet is that? Even sweeter is the impression it made on Kendall. She told me, very explicitly, how and why he bought 13, because we were married for 13 years. So sweet!

We have had 13 wonderful years. In a sense it feels like just yesterday. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't thank God for having Dylan as my life partner. Yes folks, even when I'm mad at him, I still know I'm the luckiest gal ever.

Our Place

Here are some pictures of our new place......

Our Neighbors (Look Mrs. Bunday, we have cows! Actually the neighbors have cows, but don't tell that to the girls.)

Our House

1st Grasshoppers

Fresh Raspberries

Spending Time with Nana

Mail Run...Korey & Chloe going to get the mail for us.

Home Sweet Home

We're here and getting settled. The girls are doing great! They have been here for about 24 hours and so far they have:

• Picked raspberries. Dylan made raspberry pancakes. We have two rows of raspberry shrubs. What a treat!
  
• Caught grasshoppers. They had never seen grasshoppers before. Someone mowed the field so they were all over.
  
• Taylor named the horses Lulu and Cosu. She has made all kinds of plans for them She will feed and pet them. Grandma and Papa will clean up the poop with a shovel. Just one small glitch, they are not our horses. They belong to the neighbor. I love having animals in our backyard that we can just enjoy. No work involved. We have cows too.
  
• Seen many different kinds of birds. There is the sweetest quail family here. The parents waddle along the fence with babies in tow. They make the trek a couple times a day.
  

We love the house and even better the land. It's so peaceful and private. We woke up to the sound of birds this morning and nothing else.

I will post pictures soon. We get Internet tomorrow so I can do more of an update.

Getting excited

Our house is a wreck, boxes are everywhere, stuff is all over the counters. But I'm getting excited to move. I can't wait to get setteled into this new house. I keep thinking about how I'm going to decorate but there's one problem, I've only been inside once. It's hard to fully visualize a house you have only seen once. But I do love the house, I know that.

Kendall is doing better with the idea of moving. The poor girl breaks my heart. She's been so sad about leaving this incredible neighborhood. These kids play like a swarm of bees, moving from one house to another. There are 10 kids ages 2 1/2-9 that all play together. Kendall is especially going to miss Mathilda. I call Mathilda her soul sister, Taylor calls her Miss Tilda. She's 3 years older than Kendall but they love the same things. Kendall has sobbed herself to sleep many nights since we told her about the move because she doesn't want to leave Mathilda. She tries striking a deal with me "Please Mom, just one more year" "Please just give me the summer with her". After she falls asleep I cry for her. I've been extra weepy anyway because of all of the good-byes. But I know it's going to be a good move for our family. Plus, it can't be good for her to be obsessed with someone who is 3 years older than her when she's already 6 going on 13, right?

Luckily Mathilda and her family headed out yesterday for a 2-week roadtrip. We will be moved and gone by the time they get back. I think that has helped Kendall relax a bit. She doesn't seem all-consumed with what Mathilda is doing or worried about having one last time to do whatever with her. We are coming back for Dylan's Mom's birthday in 6 weeks. I told Kendall and Mathilda that they could be together then. They seem happy about that.

Taylor is much more go-with-the-flow. The other day she said "Can we please just go to our new house by Grandma's? I want to clean my new room with a scrubber". Okay, sure.

Saturday is our moving day. I will post pictures as soon as we get everything set up at the new place.

I feel old

Leave it to a 6 year old to make me feel ancient.

Kendall: How many years until Taylor is a hundred?
Me: 97
Kendall: How many years until I'm a hundred?
Me: 94
Kendall: How many years until you're a hundred?
Me: 64.
Kendall: Huh? You don't have that many years left.

Thanks Kendall.

Dear Pencil Thin Eyebrow Lady,

When I said "I like my eyebrows fuller, just follow the line that's there" how did you interpret that as "I want to look just like you lovely pencil-thin eyebrow lady"? I didn't even realize it was possible to give eyebrows a crew cut. Put away the scissors and while you're at it the wax too. Just keep practicing on yourself.

16 & Pregnant

I watched 16 & Pregnant on MTV last night. All I could think of was, 'please don't let that be my daughters in 10-12 years'. Yes, my mom did it when she was 15. And no, it's not the end of the world. But it just complicates things and kids that young are not ready to be parents. Period. Do they still sell chastity belts?

Gray Hair

Taylor is going to be the one to give me gray hair. She had stitches in her head at 2 1/2 and today she got another head wound. We have to go back on Wednesday to see if her nose is broken. Poor girl.

She was walking on a wood tree stump at school. She jumped but did not catch herself with her hands. Instead she caught herself on the concrete path with her head and nose. :( She has a huge lump on her forehead and a puffy nose. They need the swelling to go down to see if it's broken. If so, they'll refer her to an ear, nose and throat doctor to see if it needs to be re-set so that it can heal properly.

The girl is a trooper. She sat there and did everything the doctor asked. When she got her stitches last year she didn't even cry while the doctor stitched her up. She sat there as still as can be. She's amazing! Luckily it wasn't Kendall that got hurt. That would be a whole other story altogether.

I'll post a photo tomorrow.

Green Acres is the Place to Be....

We're doing it. After 12 years in the big city we're moving back to Yakima. These city slicker girls are in for a big change of life. Kendall (6) and Taylor (3) have only known a place where you can hear your neighbor's shower running. Soon they will hear frogs and crickets and live next door to a horse.

I have to admit I'm a little nervous. I've grown accustomed to things in the big city too. In addition to our great friends and family that we are leaving behind, here are some of the other things that I will miss:

1. Recycling made easy. I'm spoiled. I throw everything in a large blue bin and a big truck picks it up from my curb every Friday. I don't have to separate anything. I better get myself a big truck so I can haul the recycling somewhere each week. I looked at recycling information on-line today and there was a long list of where to take things. Looks like we will be making trips to numerous places each week to get rid of the stuff we don't want going to the landfill. I'm really going to miss those big trucks.

2. Amazing parks! Really, I can't say enough about the parks in Kirkland, Bellevue and Redmond. We took the girls to a few parks in Yakima this weekend to show them that there are fun things to do there. Sigh..... I'll miss these parks. A patch of grass, swampy water with a few ducks, and a climber with curse words written in black marker just won't be the same. If I win the lottery, I will build a place in Yakima just like Grasslawn Park.

3. Restaurants. I love good food from great restaurants and there are hundreds here to choose from.

4. Water. Lakes, Puget Sound, rivers, clear blue skies, snow capped mountains all in one spot. There really isn't anything more beautiful than that. I have a love/hate relationship with Seattle. I love it 3 months out of the year but I hate the 9 months of drab, gray.

5. Anonymity. I like going into public and not knowing anyone. I don't have to worry about what I look like or how I'm dressed. I feel more self concious in Yakima. I don't really know why. I guess because there is so much history there. There is a saying about being truly yourself when you are around people who don't know you. There is a lot of truth in that.

6. Green. Lush, green plantings. Kendall has had a hard time accepting that we are moving. It's scary for her because she has never lived anywhere else. The other day she said "It's just so creepy there. Here, it rains and then the sun comes out and the grass is dark green. There it's brown". I understand what she's saying. It is so green and refreshing here when the sun is out. I just keep reminding myself about how I feel about this area in February and March. I have amnesia when it comes to the weather here.

There are many more things that I will miss. But I look forward to coming back as a visitor and doing the things that I never took the time to do while I lived here. Interesting how that works.

Here are the things that I won't miss:

1. Coffee. I don't drink it. Not going to miss it.
2. Vitamin D deficiency.
3. Endless gray and rainy days.
4. Ridiculous housing prices and high overall cost of living.
5. Traffic.
6. Traffic.
7. Traffic